NOTE: I DO NOT write college admission letters for students.  I offer re-write suggestions, assist with editing and generate a dialogue with the students in order to assist them in presenting themselves in the best possible light.  This is an important step in their entering adulthood and I take great satisfaction in assisting them with “the process”.

Below is a “question and answer” letter I worked on with a student who was re-applying to USC (University of Southern California) after being rejected the first time.

(I will ruin the surprise…the student WAS accepted at USC.)

Here is the letter:

Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. (250-650 words)

When I began thinking of colleges I quickly placed USC at the top of my list. To date, this hasn’t changed. Even though I was rejected as an incoming freshman last year, I am staying on task and reapplying this year.

In May of 2013, I graduated high school and chose to attend UC Davis in the fall. My feelings of excitement, happiness and contentment would not last long as I overheard my father speaking to my relatives about my college tuition. Apparently the financial aid assistance didn’t help much since my family’s income is deemed “above average”. I hadn’t realized it but other family financial obligations made the timing less than ideal for so much money to be devoted to my college tuition.

The decision to attend community college was a turning point in my life. Friends and family were shocked by my decision. Several asked, “Why did you choose Mt. SAC over UC Davis? It makes no sense!” It affected my pride each time when someone asked a similar question. It took a lot of convincing of my parents as well because in my family and culture it is deemed a failure to settle for attending community college. I would second guess myself numerous times as to whether I’d made the right decision.

It was my family’s intent that I would be able to attend wherever (within reason) I was accepted and they would work out the money issues in order to achieve that end goal. I found it harder than I thought to give up the opportunity to attend a prestigious school. However, as it turned out, my community college experience was a unique and interesting one. My previous perception of community college was that it seemed to be overloaded with people who don’t have much interest in school but want a college degree of some sort for the sake of a future career.

I quickly realized this was a misguided and incorrect assumption. The majority of the people I have met were clearly intelligent, driven, admirable and talented. Their determination and dedication to earn the proper credits in order to transfer to a “dream university” is genuine and real.

Being surrounded by these types of students sparked and renewed my eagerness to once again work extra hard in order to attend my “dream school” — USC. I believe everyone deserves a second chance in life no matter what age they happen to be. If that person is determined to change, age becomes essentially irrelevant. Once they are inside the classroom, they are one step closer to reaching their dream.

There are many reasons why I want to be part of the Trojan family. USC is well known for its academic reputation and I especially like the low student-to-faculty ratios where upon each student receives more hands-on attention from their respective teachers. It is this type of environment which offers students more rewarding opportunities and personalization within their academic studies at USC.

Reflecting on my education I preferred the environment of private schools ever since I attended a private middle school when I arrived to the United States. The strong bond between students and teachers is something public schools don’t seem to typically offer. Additionally, USC offers a wide selection of majors to choose from and provides lots of hands-on experience, programs and scholarships which allow students to pursue their strongest interests and achieve their long-term goals. I also admire how well orchestrated the alumni association is which gives off a strong vibe that the alumni truly are “one big family”. It is my desire to be able to study at USC this upcoming fall semester and become part of the Trojan family.

In a short paragraph, please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences. (250 words)

Music is truly special to me. My father’s love of music has made a substantial impact in my life from a very young age. I would listen attentively as he played various styles of music from his vast collection of CD’s (depending on his mood that particular day). Sometimes it was classical, sometimes it was rock and on occasion it was country music. I found myself enjoying all of this exposure and especially my introduction to piano solos or piano concertos. It was then that I took particular notice of the piano and began to fall in love with the instrument.

Playing the piano has always been my favorite activity outside of my studies. Despite ups and downs in my personal life including experiences such as immigration, hand surgery and high school, I have successfully achieved the Panel level of the Certificate of Merit (by MTAC) in Piano and won several music competitions throughout the years.

This year, I have continued my passion for music by tutoring music theory as my first real job. Teaching other people made me realize how much I have grown and I am now at a point where I am capable of passing what I have learned to the even younger generation. It is an incredible feeling which further serves as a reminder of my entry into adulthood. Moreover, I accompanied violin students for their competitions, and recitals using my piano skills. I knew I had accomplished something substantial when my parents were visibly proud after I showed them my first paycheck earned for doing something that I cherish.

Describe your academic interests and how you plan to pursue them at USC. Please feel free to address your first- and second-choice major selections. (250 words)

During my first year in high school, I wasn’t certain about long-term academic interests because I didn’t discover anything which I felt I would want to dedicate an entire lifetime to. Fortunately, this uncertainty didn’t last long.

Thanks to my mother, _______, who currently works in the administration department at __________, I was able to volunteer which spurred my interest to pursue a career in the medical field whether it is in the role of doctor, nurse or physician. The doctors I have met at USC when I was volunteering or seeking medical attention were friendly, humorous and professional. I want to live a worthy, meaningful and mentally stimulating life which will allow me to give back to society like the doctors I observed.

I’d like to insure that piano is more than my favorite activity, but advance my musical abilities and techniques so that I may teach a wide variety of people with varying skill sets. My piano teacher attended Thornton School of Music and believes it is a wonderful school for the purposes of pursuing a career in music.

Even though I am not exactly certain about my specific major yet, I plan to join medical clubs such as USC Pre-medical Asian Pacific American Medical Student Association and Student National Medical Association in order to increase my exposure to more medical related opportunities which will assist me in gathering information which will help me choose the right career path.

Please provide an answer below if you wish to provide details of circumstances or qualifications not reflected in the application.

My second semester of my senior year was the pinnacle of my rollercoaster ride known as high school. There were relaxing moments, exciting times and joyful feelings of accomplishing one of the milestones in life. And then there was the bitter pill I would swallow after receiving numerous college admission rejection letters. I was initially quite confident about my being accepted to some noteworthy universities, but being young and inexperienced, I would soon discover that life doesn’t always flow as smoothly as one thinks.

I received one rejection letter after another which brought my self-esteem to an all-time low. My mother even hid my USC rejection letter because she thought I might fall into a clinical depression. Yes, my mother can err on the side of the dramatic at times. Ironically, by that point I was already numb to these letters. I couldn’t understand why all of my hard work seemed to be worth so very little in the eyes of admissions officers of my preferred academic institutions. I wasn’t sure if it was worth trying anymore or where I should go from here. I decided to focus on enjoying my senior year in an effort to suppress the pain of the many rejection letters I’d received. As a result, my grades went down in every class and my AP test scores became a real mess as well.

Physics has proven to be a very challenging course for me thus far. While the grade I received this past quarter was quite horrible I feel that it may have taught me an invaluable life lesson. Soon after receiving this grade I realized there would be academic and real-world challenges that would test my mental fortitude. It was then that I came across a quote by Anne Baxter which has served as a valuable reminder for me. “It’s best to have failure happen early in life. It wakes up the Phoenix bird in you so you rise from the ashes”. Through reading this quote and many more like it I accepted the fact that things will not always go smoothly but it is how I go about picking myself up afterwards that determines who I am meant to be.

In one of the USC admission workshops I attended, an admission counselor told us to wait until we are accepted at USC to take the courses we know we will struggle with. I knew physics would be challenging for me but I guess I hadn’t anticipated it to the degree that I struggled with it. I suppose I could have given up when my grade was at the “point of no return” but I suspected doing so might make it even harder for me to conquer this course again at a later date. Similarly, I haven’t always been the strongest in mathematics but after receiving an A in Calculus this past quarter I am now optimistic that I will do significantly better the next time I take Physics. I hope the admissions officers will consider this when re-evaluating my application.