“We were put on this planet to work, suffer and endure, not to enjoy life. All pleasure is sinful.”
- King Huey Wisdom, high school educator (1987)
“I may not be the classiest guy in the west, but I surely may be the crassest.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (1989)
“The primary goal when selecting a vehicle should be to select one that keeps you ON the road versus on the SIDE of the road.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (1995)
“You need to be an avid reader to become a better writer, but to write well you must write every day. That is ‘the rub’ when you are working the 9 to 5.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (1998)
“One of God’s cruelest jokes is that the average woman’s sense of smell is far better than the average male’s sense of smell and men tend to fart way more than women do.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (1998)
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2007)
“You can get cancer in this world without even trying so why would you smoke cigarettes or engage heavily in other vices that will surely transport you down that road sooner than later?”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2007)
“The key to happiness for a creative or intellectual is to lead a well-rounded life in all that they do.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2007)
“It has been my experience that unions are proficient at creating colonies of inefficient lazy cockroach employees that continue to multiply and rarely have I found employers willing to take them on to rid them from their buildings.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II
“It sure is fun getting younger.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2010)
“Nobody reads anymore. Welcome to the impatient pukes laden ‘tech age.’ People skim, read too fast or fail to process and fully comprehend what they read. Only an exceedingly small percentage of people truly read anymore.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2015)
“Opening your front doors as a retailer is like launching the browser on your computer. You either expose yourself to the possibility of a shoplifter, a fraudster, or a virus.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2016)
“Theft in a retail store is analogous with mail in a post office in that neither stop showing up.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“I find it more satisfying to change someone’s mind through deterrence versus changing someone’s face through a physical altercation, but I am sure some young testosterone-filled male retail asset protection associates would disagree with me.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“Every person should have to work in either the retail industry or food service industry for a minimum of three months. It could teach you far more about empathy, respect, courtesy, and consideration than many parents do.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“Dating someone you are very much into is a time in your life where you are likely to be extremely selfless. Conversely, once you marry this same individual, you will oftentimes become selfish, eventually.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“If you ever question whether men are dogs and women are cats simply examine and compare and contrast the affection and sexual desires of women and men in a long-term marriage.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“In retail asset protection you need at least two things to keep your job. You need the customers to continue shopping in your store and the dirty seagulls to continue ‘fake shopping’ in your store.
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“Law enforcement officers will often say that they rarely catch the smart dangerous criminals and obviously that applies to shoplifters as well.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“In the ‘80s an ad campaign directed at increasing crime awareness featured an animated dog named McGruff the Crime Dog who was portrayed wearing a trench jacket and his slogan was to help ‘take a bite out of crime’. In asset protection, the best we can hope for is to ‘take a nibble out of crime’.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“Never underestimate the actions of a nut jobbie or someone with a low I.Q. You have no idea what either might be capable of.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“People have asked me why I address friends or colleagues as ‘sir.’ Asking me that is about as obvious as asking me why I have blue eyes. It is clearly a sign of respect. And those that do not qualify I address as ‘dirty dick face’.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2011)
“If things begin to get rough in your gutler I have found it to be inevitable that they soon get rough in your butt-ler.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“As a child I always chose a burger over a steak. Too often a steak (ex. Sirloin) tasted dry or was tough compared with the juicy and tenderer burger. As a result, I have a huge issue with dry meat. If it reminds me of something John Wayne or Clint Eastwood sat on, it is not staying in my mouth.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“If you were to ask 100 long-time married men if their wives were ‘doing them right’ sexually, 98 of the men would say no. The 99th man has no concept of what good sex entails and the 100th man is lying.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“Being frugal should always stop shy of appearing that you are on welfare or homeless.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2018)
“One of my favorite corporate mentalities by executives is expecting quality results with cheap spending. It is not rocket science, if you spend cheaply, you get cheap results – end of story.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2018)
“In America especially individuals are typically born to complain and not born to compliment.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2018)
“If you are over the age of twenty-three and call yourself a ‘perfectionist’ or aspire to ‘perfectionism,’ there is a 148% chance you are a moron.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2020)
“I have more time than money so I will frequently use my talents and time in a way to save money.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2020)
“If you were to ask junior high school students in the 80s’ if they have had sex before, nine out of ten would respond “no” and the tenth would be lying. Today, I worry that the reverse may be true.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2016)
“Be one of the few, one of the proud, one of the employed.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2015)
“I re-defined my definition for motivation when in my mid-forties I had to accept a temporary ditch digger’s job for $10.00 per hour. On day one I severely sprained my forearm after a foreman pressed me to wheel a grossly overloaded wheelbarrow uphill on a narrow wooden plank. My forearm looked like I glued a long slice of Spam on top of it.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2015)
“I never paid much attention to the spending habits of the Irish until I had an Irish boss and developed close bonds with some Irish friends. One Irish friend even joked that he was ‘J-Irish’ when it came to finances. It finally dawned on me when I saw the leprechaun with the big pot-of-gold at the end of the rainbow that it had been staring me in the face all along.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2015)
“If you are ever on a date and the person you are with treats a server as if they are beneath them, pack up your things and proceed to your car or send for an Uber ride and never speak to this person again. Eventually, you will be on the receiving end of that poor treatment from this person.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2015)
“Cheap food can become expensive for the right customer.”
- Unknown Ali Mountain Taiwanese food vendor (2014: Trip to Taiwan)
“I was raised in a humorous family. My father is the constant jokester who at times struggles to be serious. My brother is the ‘witty bastard,’ and many believe my first words out of the womb were ‘sarcastic ones’.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2014)
“In general, having sex is not as important to men after the age of forty. Unless you are barely ever getting any or what you are receiving is ‘god damn awful’.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2014)
“Love me or leave me.”
(One of my friend’s no-nonsense responses to his significant other when she attempted to change him)
- Name withheld to help ensure his marriage continues
“Normally, when you do something unusual, what you would consider as normal results for unusual behavior, normally does not happen. Therefore, unusual behavior resulting in unusual results for that behavior is actually normal.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (1999)
“Marriage and monogamy do not kill people – people kill people. The only thing that is worse than death is stagnating, not putting in the work, and failing to grow as a couple. Unfortunately, too many people do not put in that work.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2003)
“Camping? I do not think so. My idea of ‘roughing it’ is the Holiday Inn.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (1994)
“The way to achieve a happy and low-stress life is by expecting little of others or situations thereby allowing you to enjoy life when things end well and avoiding the disappointment when things end poorly.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2008)
“Relationships are like volcanoes, each ‘cone’ (physical and emotional) should be ‘activated’ through regular sex and arguments to release pressure or what may seem ‘dormant’ is bound to result in one gargantuan ‘eruption’ which could lead to the ‘extinction’ of the volcano (relationship).”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2008)
“Picture a beautiful marsh. Visualize: tall reeds, calm water, and grassy areas. Suddenly a female mallard duck appears, a string of her baby ducklings in tow. The scene has beauty, humor (quack!), and peace. BAM! BAM! BAM! — Serenity is broken. A hunter has plucked off a duckling or two, thereby disturbing the smooth flow of life. Life has many difficulties, with your ‘ducks,’ rarely lining up in a perfect row. So, enjoy brief moments when it does, always understanding that it will not last long.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2006)
“I like to think I am a good person. Even when I am not behaving like a good person, my goal is always to be a good person. Maybe ‘intent’ is only worth partial credit but of course I am not perfect, and I can live with that.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2009)
“Many times, I have heard people say that the only reason to get married is to have kids. How uninteresting are these people that they require a ‘yet to be created’ third party to occupy their spare time for the next twenty-one years or more? I have always thought that if you have enthusiastic interests and hobbies, you adore each other, and you share common interests that that would suffice. Silly me….”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2008)
“I am not an overly emotional person nor am I overly analytical. I like to think that I am simply ‘well balanced.’ Of course, my male friends say this makes me gay. My analytical side thinks they are kidding.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2009)
“I am always a winner in Vegas. I only gamble at the strip clubs. The ‘game’ is whether it results in a ‘good dance’ or a ‘bad dance.’ Regardless, I win the game.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2000)
“People are like onions; they release information about themselves in layers. The experienced and the intelligent know better than to peel all those layers off at once.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2009)
“Basketball is a lot like sex, every inch matters.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2009)
“There is a classic sexual reference pertaining to getting married that asks why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? I say why buy the cow when you know the cow will stop producing milk?”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2011)
“Love leads us to repeatedly cramming square pegs into round holes. Only with time and experience do we achieve the clarity to understand how misguided our desires and pursuits truly were.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2009)
“There is only one thing better than being the funniest person your friends know. It is being the second funniest person they know, as there is much less pressure.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (1999)
“I am amazed that I was finally able to find a mate I deemed suitable for marriage. There is no way, no how that I am pressing my luck by adding the challenges of breeding and rearing.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2009)
“Good people leave an impression on people even more so than bad people leave an impression on people. Thus, we do our best to forget about the latter and choose to spend more time with the former.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2009)
“Living in the moment without learning from the past is great fun and easy on the ‘gray matter.’ Until you keep reliving that moment…over…and over…and over again.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2010)
“I am cognizant of political correctness but if it comes down to being funny or not being funny; I am going to nudge that envelope off the table the majority of the time.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2010)
“Talk is cheap – action is expensive.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2010)
“I place lofty standards on people, but my actual expectations of people are quite low. So is my glass half empty, or is it half full?”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2011)
“Success often comes to those who set grand expectations for themselves. Having elevated expectations of others often leads to only frustration and anxiety.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2011)
“People often mistake anxiety for stupidity. Anxiety often leads to impulsive decision-making which makes one ‘appear’ stupid.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2010)
“I have one of the worst memories of anyone I know. Then again, who am I to judge – I cannot remember shit.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2010)
“In general, stupid people tend to talk too much whereas smart people often listen more.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2010)
“Envision a driver who never looks out the rear-view mirror (PAST) and chooses to never peer through the windshield (FUTURE) and is only concerned with what is inside their cabin (PRESENT). Anyone want to join them on the ‘freeway of life’?”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2011)
“With age comes wisdom, but only if you possess an average IQ or better and are choosing to look through the windshield of life versus the rear- view mirror of life.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2013)
“Life has taught me that if something you consume distresses your gut it will surely soon be distressing your butt.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2011)
“Never underestimate the possible actions of a nut jobbie or someone with a low IQ or EQ. You have no idea what these types of people might be capable of.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“Never underestimate the potential danger at the hands of those individuals suffering from mental illness or a low IQ. Concepts like rational thought processes, empathy for others and consequences for one’s actions may be lost on them.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2018)
“Hardly anyone in the ‘tech age’ wants to be spoken to while in public, especially when it comes from a stranger, so why waste the saliva. I have no interest in being ignored, receiving a head nod or a weak grin.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2018)
“I once dated someone and over time it became abundantly clear that she was more concerned with what I could do for her fiscally versus what I could do for her emotionally. When I thoroughly evaluated my credit card statements it led to a talk where I ended things with her letting her know ‘I can no longer afford you’.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2001)
“Do not make your urgency, my emergency. It is not on me that you failed to plan your day properly.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2007)
“Taiwanese and Chinese ‘tiger mom’ parents and educators are winning the game by creating extremely successful members of society. Regardless of age, they treat the child like a student attending an upper division university course in their major with a tough-as-nails professor that is not interested in hearing excuses.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2012)
“There is a category of shoplifter that shoplifts because they have an allergy pertaining to opening their wallet.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2018)
“After working in the retail asset protection field for a country minute you will face the unfortunate reality that the field should be more accurately called ‘loss reduction’.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“At a certain point in everyone’s life they face the unfortunate reality that most people suck. And I do not mean 51 percent. The number is much higher than that.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“In retail asset protection, at minimum, you must ‘pin the tail on the donkey’ via safety aborts, detainments, arrests or filing cases with law enforcement. Failure to make a statement or create risk encourages recidivism by shoplifters.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2020)
“Shoplifting occurs more often due to cheapness or greed versus actual need.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“Poker players refer to ‘tells’ which are like ‘indicators’ for shoplifters.”
“I am Iron Mike Dyson regarding retail crime. I dig deep and pull out all the filth and do my best to knock it out of the store.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“Sunday may be the Lord’s day for some, but dirty bird shoplifters make it one of the worst days of the week at my store.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“Your number one goal in asset protection deterrence is to make the suspected shoplifter uncomfortable. Goal number two is to get them to exit your store empty-handed.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“In asset protection, it pays to be as tenacious as a honey badger and as patient as a mountain lion when deterring and investigating theft.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“Sometimes it is more beneficial in retail asset protection to circle the sales floor like a roving outfielder in baseball versus manning the front door like a catcher guarding home plate.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“If you work in asset protection for a retailer with conservative AP policies you should pretend that everyone around you has their cellphone ready with audio and video recording if you want to last in the position.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“If you are beyond your twenties, you will have days as a retail asset protection officer where you are strongly considering placing an Amazon next day delivery order for a new spine, knees, or feet.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“When you are in retail asset protection and on the sales floor, it can be costly to assume the worst in people, and it can be equally costly to assume the best in people.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2019)
“In retail asset protection it is best to have the memory of a monkey on mistakes and losses and the memory of a dolphin with subject’s faces so you may avoid beating yourself up for too long but rather focus on remembering these dirty birds for the future.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2019)
“In America especially individuals are typically born to complain and not born to compliment.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2019)
“Asset protection is always the strawberry-blond headed stepchild in a retail company. They might not be the red-headed stepchild, but they are surely the strawberry-blond headed stepchild.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“On a basic primal and psychological level, the ‘cat and mouse’ game facing off against retail shoplifter’s fires me up. It is a battle of wits, will and strategy that leads to one winner and one loser.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“In retail asset protection, full moons, and Friday the 13th mostly produces werewolves, vampires, and assholes (a.k.a. shady looking shoplifters).”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“AP associates should utilize a smile to disarm legitimate shoppers when an uncomfortable situation occurs during the observation of a suspect. Conversely, AP officers should never smile in the direction of a shoplifter whom you are trying to deter.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2016)
“Saving your company money is not in the same ballpark as making your company money.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2016)
“As an AP officer in retail behave as if you are the goalie, and it is your job to prevent the ball or puck (merchandise) from penetrating your goal (front door).”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“When I am around a sketchy loser, and they open their mouth my skin crawls. This is not someone I would ever associate with or attend a dinner party with. There is a gross or creepy quality about them visually, auditorily, and the vibe they give off.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2016)
“If it looks like a dirty seagull, smells like a dirty seagull and sounds like a dirty seagull, it is a dirty seagull.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2016)
“I do not care if it is brown t, yellow t, red t, white t, black t, blue t or green t – it is all t to me.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2016)
“Servicing an area in a retail store versus servicing a person creates an unpleasant game of ‘where’s Waldo?,’ but instead it is ‘where’s the dirty bird?’”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“I have seen less ink at a Staple’s store.”
(in reference to a shoplifter with a plethora of tattoos)
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“When I see a ton of tattoos on someone, I am thinking that this is an outward visual representation of physical and emotional scars. There is no way, no how, that they had a ‘puppy dog and ice cream’ upbringing. This surely does not mean that they are a shoplifter, but it gains my attention and warrants at least a little further casual observation.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“Customers wearing sunglasses indoors may be shady (forgive the pun).”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2016)
“Do not judge a book by its cover. I have seen kids twelve years old and under defeating sensors, concealing merchandise, and heading for the exits.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2017)
“In retail asset protection, it is my job to determine people that are strange, people that are shoplifters and people that are both.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2016)
“On the roadways, we all think we are better drivers than we are. You shard it, I shard it — we ALL shard it. Every driver does stupid things on occasion. If you still question this, please remove your head out of your cornhole and join the rest of us in a grounded reality. And save the horn for dangerous or extreme situations only.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2005)
“There are written and unwritten rules in life. If you ignore them, forget them, or conveniently overlook them, there will be a cost eventually.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2021)
“We and our close friends are the rare ones in life that are not normal. The wannabe Darwin Award winners that lack logically properly functioning brains are the normal ones. It took the COVID-19 pandemic to add clarity to the fact that we are in fact rare.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2020)
“Being married to a Taiwanese female for over 10 years I have learned two important lessons. Do not mess with their coin or their food unless you do not value your paw.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2020)
“Every action or inaction in life has a cost.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2020)
“I am a creative individual who grew up in Los Angeles in a democratic/liberal family. There is a -48% chance I would end up ‘playing the Republican National Anthem loud and proud’.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2022)
“You should treat your house cleaner like you would treat a hot looking girlfriend. Do not give them the impression they are perfect or allow them to get lazy in the bedroom or they will begin to take advantage of you. If you must, point out a complexion issue or that they could benefit from losing weight. Utilize similar comparable tactics with the cleaner or they will similarly begin to cut corners.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2022)
“Everyone defines career success differently, but if you never put your foot on the gas, you are going nowhere quick.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2022)
“My advice to youngsters is to do everything in their power to avoid getting older. Shy of that, proceed with extreme caution in everything they do with their bodies physically to reduce chronic pain in the last third of your life.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2022)
“I was never overly concerned with longevity whereas I was very much concerned with maintaining a high quality of life while here. I tend to focus on things that are within my control and avoid trying to predict the future. Live a healthy overall lifestyle and let the chips fall where they may.
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2023)
“When you get older you usually get wiser, and safer. Never expect that a stranger you encounter in public will share your same moral code of what is right and wrong or care that they did you wrong. Mental misfits and low IQ individuals will do you harm in an instant for a mere comment. Understand that ‘brain problems’ are even more common than you may realize.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2023)
“If you routinely accelerate your vehicle up to red lights, you are an impatient mother f-er, a moron, or you enjoy whizzing money into the wind on frequent brake replacement jobs.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2023)
“Unless you are an athlete, workouts in your youth are oftentimes done more for aesthetic reasons with the health benefits a bonus. As you age your workouts become more about injury prevention, injury rehabilitation, or reducing the symptoms from a chronic injury. You may reach an age where aches, pain or various injuries occur so frequently that you cannot keep track of timelines any longer. The only good news is that your memory ages along with your body, so this short-term memory leaves you feeling that the laundry list of injuries is shorter than it is. Additionally, your pain threshold will advance to a ‘next level’ status so certain injuries you will shrug off like a gnat landing on your nose.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2023)
“My best advice on aging is do not get older. Shy of that do not play sports. If you must, do your absolute best to get injured as little as possible. And avoid severe injuries. Failure to comply with these guidelines will result in significant bodily pain repercussions later in life.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2023)
“Nobody wins the game in personal romantic relationships. If you choose marriage there will come a day when your spouse becomes annoyed that they must share the same space with you. They may still care about you and a bond may exist. They understand that starting over with someone new results in the same conclusion. Conversely if you stay single still cruising the bar scene or online dating apps in your fifties and bounce from short-term relationship to short-term relationship you are leading an empty life without meaning and your health will suffer. This story often ends with you dying alone. It is what it is. You must choose what speaks to your personality the most knowing in advance how the story will certainly end.
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2023)
“Life is too short to drink cheap bad coffee. You should be able to drink it straight-up black and not cringe at the bitterness or sourness. If you always need to add sugar to cut the sourness and salt to cut the bitterness you are drinking the wrong coffee.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2023)
“If you cannot enjoy or appreciate straight-up black coffee you are not a true enthusiastic coffee afficionado. You are a ‘coffee beverage consumer’ if you require all the flavored syrups, sugar in the raw, milk, foam, whipped cream, or caramel sauce.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II, “Coffee Snob Extraordinaire” (2023)
“Many men will eventually discover they are married to a cat versus a dog when it comes to obtaining attention and affection. Whether it is a difference between the sexes, the specific personality or the evolution of the relationship is irrelevant. It is what it is.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2022)
“There are only two industries I can think of that work you like a dog at popcorn chef wages and ask you to adore standing and walking on concrete all day. Those are the retail and fast-food industries.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2023)
“The monotonous formulaic rants and spiels of retail sales managers over walkie soon get as old as the overhead sound system music tracks that are continuously reused over the years.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2023)
“There is never a better time to treat yourself to a simple treat or indulgence than after something negative has occurred in your life. Be good to yourself. Buy your favorite iced coffee beverage, enjoy a tasty pastry, whatever it is for you, just do it. It can really have a notable impact in turning that day into a better day or even a good day.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2021)
“Use your family genetic gene pool as a guide when choosing your future education and occupation. It may not be everything but ignoring it entirely may lead to significant financial expenses, substantial time wasted and unhappiness.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2022)
“The best worst thing about being over fifty is that you are invisible to the younger opposite sex. The exceptions are if you have fame, huge coin, are genetically gifted, or are being courted by dinosaurs.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2022)
“At a certain age or certain point in your life one’s health may deteriorate to a point where you have to be content with the fact that you still have your sight, hearing, sense of smell, taste and you can still walk normally.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2023)
“It is okay to be a little trashy on occasion as long as you are not full time trashy or incapable of behaving classy.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2023)
“You know you have joined the older generation when you discover that pumpkin pie has largely become to the younger generation what mincemeat pie was to your generation.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2023)
“Without exception when dining out I specify ‘dark meat only’ when ordering chicken. I could not care less if there is an extra fee attached for doing so. Whenever I came across white meat chicken at a meal I always fed it to my imaginary dog resting under the dining table.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2023)
“There is an unpleasant number in aging and when you hit that unappealing number you will have ‘jumped the shark’ regarding your physical looks. If you were a supermodel you are now above average looking. If you were above average looking you are now average looking. If you were ugly you are now a troll.”
“I have learned that mistakes cause the loss of money, time, or reputation. Learning from mistakes is crucial and leading a careful life has serious advantages.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2024)
“Whenever anyone professes to me that they are a phenomenal multi-tasker I immediately write down the number fifty on a piece of paper. The number is my speculation on their probable IQ.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2024)
“As a creative with a profound sense of funny I have never claimed to be normal. Those three pieces do not go together. And life is too short to play it safe all the time.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2024)
“As men get to middle age and beyond it appears their hair from their heads works its way down their back and eventually to their crack.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2025)
“I trust used car salesmen about as much as I trust shoplifters.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2025)
“Only after dating a Taiwanese Asian female did, I realize what wildebeests Americans are when it comes to our households. It was so obvious. What civilized being feels good about wearing their shoes indoors and tracking in potential dog mustard, dog lemonade, dead insects, spit, or other unmentionables? No wonder my registered nurse mother who worked with physicians had said that the Taiwanese and Chinese were born smart out of the womb.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2025)
“The difference between ‘beautiful people’ and ‘good looking people’ is relative to the effort needed to look pretty. Beautiful people roll out of bed looking fantastic. Good looking people need to put their face on in some capacity.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2025)
“Age is only a number up until it is not. And the magic losing number that we eventually draw tends to be around the age of fifty.”
“Almost nobody enjoys being in the company of an infant unless it is a quiet one or one from their own bloodline. And that especially applies to an ‘emotional infant’ so act your true age in the workplace and anywhere else where society deems it necessary.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2025)
“Your urgency is not my emergency.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2025)
“You know Latin cultures are ‘born sexy by nature’ when they pierce their girls’ ears as infants. The message seems clear that beauty, femininity, sex appeal are paramount in this gender marking.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2025)
“Within the first year of the pandemic of 2020 I felt I was starting to age in dog years.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2024)
“Whomever believes life should be fair is either young, dumb or has their head fully embedded up their cornhole. This is not how life works – period.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2010)
“There is an alarming trend in the workplace where upon people do not want to ‘own their fart.’ We all make mistakes. You shard it, I shard it, we ALL shard it. It is called being a human. We are not robots. Face it. There is nothing wrong with showing weakness on occasion regardless of whether you are trying to get a leg up in the workplace.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2025)
“I think most people eventually reach an age and whatever that age may be they will have experienced so much of life’s bull mud and physical pain that they will give about two and a half shits if their number is called and it is time to go.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2025)
“Work in wide variety of industries and fields has taught me that the ideal jobs for your body consist of a balance of being mobile on your feet and resting on your seat.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2025)
“Science does not give two carps how much your vehicle weighs regarding hydroplaning in rainy weather. Do not be an impatient ignorant moron. Safety first.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2025)
“The young undeveloped brain can lead to you losing the game.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2025)
“It has been my experience that it is almost always true that the more expensive the car someone drives is in direct proportion to how smelly their asshole is.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2025)
“Men and women frequently have differing needs regarding sex frequency, and it only grows with time spent together. In talking with male friends, I suspect many men feel as if they married a gay cat when it comes to sex and the return of affection. Whether it is career or kid’s women gravitate here more than men. How much of it is based on personal preference or growing apart I can only speculate.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2025)
“Most people do not give two flucks about items they do not own. Bear this in mind before you loan out anything unless you do not care if it is returned nor the condition it returns in.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2025)
“Around your fifties most people become as invisible as a fire hydrant to the opposite sex. This is especially true regarding those notably younger than you. It is as if a stop sign has been permanently Super glued to your forehead.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2026)
“If you drive the speed limit during a significant rainstorm you are not smart. If you drive 10-15 MPH over the speed limit during a significant rainstorm you are a dumbass impatient puke. If you drive 10-15 MPH over the speed limit during a significant rainstorm and you frequently lane change, accelerate and conduct other erratic maneuvers you are a total reckless ass clown wannabe Darwin Award winning fuck face incapable of turning off your type A personality “time is money” mental thermometer for the benefit of mankind.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2026)
“I am creative and comical with an exceptional ‘sense of funny.’ This earns me the double whammy in the nut jobbie department. I embrace and love the oftentimes wacky and interesting being that I have become. There are things I would like to change about myself, but it will never ever be those two areas.”
- David J. Evangelisti, II (2026)
“I have learned that there’s nothing you can’t teach yourself by reading.”
- Age 78, “Live and Learn and Pass It On” book
“Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.”
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945)
“I pay no attention whatever to anybody’s praise or blame. I simply follow my own feelings.”
- Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (1756-1791)
“The party doesn’t start until you get there.”
- Unknown author
“They name streets after people like you – one way.”
- Unknown author
“Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.”
- Herbert Henry Asquith (1852-1928)
“Do at least two things every day that you don’t want to do, for the very reason that you don’t want to do them.”
- William James (1842-1910)
“If you’ve got it, flaunt it. And if you don’t got it? Flaunt it. Cause what are we even doing here if we aren’t flaunting it?”
- Mindy Kaling
“Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.”
- Marthe Troly-Cartin
“You don’t always have to be doing something. You can just be and that’s plenty.”
- Alice Walker
“Where the spirit does not work with the hand there is no art.”
- Leonardo Da Vinci (1452-1519)
“I’ve learned that a daily twenty-minute walk is the easiest and most beneficial thing you can do for your health.”
- Age 52, “Live and Learn and Pass It On” book
“The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.”
- Sylvia Plath
“A man who chooses two rabbits doesn’t deserve one.”
- Japanese proverb
“Not all those who wander are lost.”
- JRR Tolkien
“You can start late, look different, be uncertain, and still succeed.”
- Misty Copeland
“The reward for conformity is that everyone likes you but yourself.”
- Rita Mae Brown
“That man is richest whose pleasure are the cheapest.”
- Henry David Thoreau
“Creativity means to push open the heavy, groaning doorway of life itself.”
- Daisaku Ikeda
“The first wealth is health.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
“If you invest in beauty, it will remain with you all the days of your life.”
- Frank Lloyd Wright
“No wise man ever wished to be younger.”
- Jonathan Swift
“You can’t do your job and be afraid.”
- Meryl Streep
“I want to be stepped on by an elephant while having sex with identical triplet cheerleaders.”
- Jim Butcher, Turn Coat (The Dresden Files #11)
(in reference to how he would like to die)
“Find the thing you do well and do it again and again for the rest of your life.”
- Johann Johannsson
“A hunch is creativity trying to tell you something.”
- Frank Capra
“It is not a daily increase, but a daily decrease. Hack away at the inessentials.”
- Bruce Lee
“A person without imagination is like a teabag without water.”
- Alan Fletcher
“Patience is also a form of action.”
- Auguste Rodin
“Nice is different than good.”
- Stephen Sondheim
“Right is right even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it.”
- Saint Augustine
“There is only one success…to be able to spend your life in your own way.”
- Christopher Morley
“No civilized person ever goes to bed the same day he gets up.”
- Richard Harding Davis, journalist, and writer
“If one has no sense of humor, one is in trouble.”
- Betty White
“You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.”
- Maya Angelou
“Don’t plan it all. Let life surprise you a little.”
- Julia Alvarez
“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young.”
- Henry Ford
“It’s the artists who do the dreaming for society.”
- Me’ret Oppenheim
“You will either step forward into growth, or you will step backward into safety.”
- Abraham Maslow
“Risk something or forever sit with your dreams.”
- Herb Brooks
“It isn’t just talent. You have to have something else. You have to have a kind of nerve.”
- Georgia O’ Keeffe
“When someone tells me “no,” it doesn’t mean I can’t do it, it simply means I can’t do it with them.”
- Karen E. Quinones Miller
“Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants.”
- Epictetus
“That man is richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.”
- Henry David Thoreau
“I get up every day and don’t let the old man in.”
- Clint Eastwood
“Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.”
- Unknown
“The remembrance of youth is a sigh.”
- Wise saying from the Orient
“Every artist was first and amateur.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
“As we grow old…the beauty steals inward.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
“The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.”
- Anonymous
“Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.”
- Herbert Henry Asquith
“The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.”
- Mark Twain
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David J. Evangelisti, II 