The Elf is an avid golfer and I am her notably less consistent ball striking golf companion.  Additionally, the Elf is more in the know on local sports goings on than her still pretty athletic and sports enthusiast husband.  Regardless, we’re both fired up to participate in the ESPN L.A. Golf Classic Tourney 2018 at the Pacific Palms Resort (pacificpalmsresort.com) in the City of Industry.  This is a charity golf event to raise money for The V Foundation (jimmyv.org) for Cancer Research.

Click here for more about the event:

https://espnlagolfclassic.com/about-the-event

ESPN LA truck: On-air talent broadcasting live

The Babe Course:  Hole 1

The last time we were here, we played The Babe Course.  This time they have us playing The Ike Course.  All I recall about The Babe Course were a lot of narrow tree-lined fairways that led to a lot of barking squirrels after my tee shots.

Click below for more on The Babe Course:

https://www.ihgolfclub.com/course-practice/zaharias-course

There are excellent views from this property elevated up on a hill in the San Gabriel Valley.

Pacific Palms Resort:  View from their side yard

Pacific Palms Resort:  Lobby

For a very nominal fee I opt to upgrade us to a premium room featuring mountain and golf course views from their top floor (9th).  Unfortunately, I would later learn why this fee was “very nominal” in our particular case.  Around 11p.m., I turn off our television and “attempt” to retire for the night but I end up making a disappointing discovery.  I had expressed concern earlier when I observed that our room was located the closest to the elevator.  This would prove to serve as a painful reminder that you should always request a “quiet room” (even at resort properties) unless you sleep as heavily as a hibernating grizzly bear.

It is ironic that we “got the shaft” via being located almost literally on top of the elevator shaft.  The noise was bad enough in itself but the vibration was beyond ri-COC-u-lous (i.e. worse than re-DIC-u-lous).  I take a melatonin tablet when I initially hear the noise and a half an hour later I return for two Benadryl tablets.  “Nice try” — a piss poor night’s sleep was inevitable.  I probably would have slept better at the Motel 6 down the road located directly off of the 60 Freeway.

It’s beyond me why you offer to upgrade someone and then do them dirty in the process.  This courtesy was the equivalent of showing a male a beautiful young and willing female and saying she wants to have sex with you for the next several hours.  The only condition is that you must allow a former professional NFL punter (also a Ray Guy Award winner) to “punt” your marbles five (5) times in a row as hard as he can and then you can have at it with Miss Good Buns.  “Enjoy yourself”…

The line for a Travis Matthew’s goodie bag

It moves quickly and is worth waiting even longer for.  It is truly one fantastic sack.

Travis Matthews Goodie Bag:  Emptied out sack

It includes Travis Matthews clothing and cap, scotch whiskey, cigar, lighter, golf glove, golf towels, gift cards, snacks, golf balls etc.

L.A. Ram’s Cheerleaders

Included continental breakfast buffet

Golf cart line-up

Former L.A. Lakers player and coach, Byron Scott is the one wearing the bright yellow polo shirt (far RIGHT).

Master of ceremonies speaking

L.A. Ram’s mascot interview

He gives me a high-five as I’m driving the golf cart and it nearly takes out my rotator cuff.  That sheep is Ram tough!

It’s pretty clear the courses are in exceptional shape for Southern California.

The Ike Course:  Hole 1

The tournament consists of a 4-person scramble.  Each group selects the best ball hit and then every player hits from that spot.  It’s a very fun and low pressure way of playing; unless everyone in your group “blow’s doors” at golf.

Click below for more on The Ike Course:

https://www.ihgolfclub.com/course-practice/eisenhower-course

I can already tell it’s going to be a splendid day by the tasty beverages served on hole one. 

The Dudes’ Brewing Co.:  Peach Berliner Weisse

To my palate it’s about 25 percent peach juice flavor and 75% beer flavor.  It’s delicious and especially nice on this warm day.

Our very own Bella Tseng is first on the “longest drive” contest list

The Elf put a “can of ass” into it and in spite of having three males in our group we select her ball.  Could this be a foreshadowing of The Elf stepping up to the podium at the awards dinner?

The Ike Course:  Hole 1

The Ike Course

The Ike Course:  PGA professional Tisha Alyn is stationed here

PGA professional Tisha Alyn sets up…

Of course we take her up on her offer to hit a ball for our group for free.  And yes, we play HER ball.

PGA professional Tisha Alyn swinging away…

A pro’s swing.  Keep your eyes on the BALL boys…

Tisha Alyn poses with the group ahead of us

The Ike Course:  Lots of nice looking golf holes

The Ike Course:  Pretty elevated par 3 hole

Our foursome features Eddie, a scratch golfer, who is bailing us out way more often than not.

Box lunch:  Turkey sandie w/cheese, meat empanada, apple and chips

The turkey sandwich is way better than I expected.  The bread is soft with some firmness and tasty meat and cheese.  It doesn’t even have a condiment or sauce on it but tastes moist and delicious.

The Ike Course

The Ike Course

The Glenmorangie tasting booth

I’m not a scotch drinker so my bro will be getting the sample bottles we received.

The Ike Course:  Even the fountain is teeing off…

The Ike Course

Peach Mango BodyArmor Lyte SuperDrink beverage

This is very refreshing today.  It has a bit more sugar than I like but I’m sure I’ll sweat it off today.

ESPN LA truck and Travis Matthew sponsor

They are doing a live broadcast this afternoon from the popular radio station.

The Mason and Ireland Show:  Broadcasting live…

The Ike Course:  Bella eyeballing her shot…

The Ike Course:  A fun elevated tee

Just as predicted, I “duck hook” it into the forest on the left.  It had a good chance of clearing the pond…minus the “duck hook” of course.  😉

The Ike Course:  Another fun elevated tee

Pocock Brewing Co. (pocockbrewing.com) is featured at this tee box.  They are located in my California home town of Santa Clarita, CA.

Pocock Brewing Co.:  Santa Clarita, CA

I played one of my best rounds of golf yesterday at Los Serranos Country Club’s (losserranoscountryclub.com) South Course (used to be the longest course in Southern California). 

The highlights of my round:

On hole one, I drove the ball about 290 yards and followed it up with a “smoke city” 3-hybrid shot that rested on the first undulated layer of the green.  Needless to say I over-muscled my eagle putt to be sure I made it up the steep climb unwilling to permit that ball to roll back down the slope.  Fortunately, I saved bird by draining a 5 foot downhill putt.  Other relevant accomplishments were scoring 3 birdies and 2 pars on the front 9 and 3 pars on the back 9.  I had so many close call putts that were 1/2″ offline from giving me additional pars that this was truly a special golf round for yours truly.  Bear in mind, I’m a once per week player with essentially no practice at the range.

Anyway, as a result, I had very low expectations for my round today and I am fully living up to those low expectations.  I’ve had some above average chips and exceptional downhill breaking long one-putts.  Excluding that, the rest of my golf game is about as smelly as a soiled baby’s diaper after enjoying an all-u-can-eat Gerber’s baby food smorgaspig event.

For that reason, my personal beer consumption is going UP relative to my own personal golf score.

Me and my ice cream

An ice cream golf cart drops by as we are golfing offering up a variety of ice cream novelty treats.  When your game is “blowing doors”, I highly recommend seeking enjoyment in the food, beverage and treats.

Booth worker learns golf is NOT an easy game…

She is taking her first ever golf swing in front of all of us.

The Ike Course

Orange Mango BodyArmor SuperDrink Beverage

Once again, it’s too sweet but hitting the spot as I sweat brains.

The Ike Course:  Can you say ‘tight window’?

The Babe Course is chock full of holes with narrow fairways like the one shown above.  Thank goodness we drew The Ike Course today where this type of hole is rare.

The Ike Course:  A retired funicular ride to a hilltop bar

I believe the funicular ride to the bar used to provide a fun way to have lunch and a beverage mid-round but in these fast times that game plan would never fly.  For today’s audience, it would likely consist of a one-way bullet train ride up the hill and a porter  pours a cold beer over your head as you exit the train and then hands you an energy bar on your way to the 10th hole.  This funicular was opened in 1979 but closed some years later and my guess is the reason was due to the “changing times” (i.e. low-to-no-patience) I’ve described above.

Ballroom:  Buffet dinner

My Buffet Plate:  Salad, sirloin steak, macaroni salad, roll

Elfie is devouring this delicious chocolate cake

I can’t get enough of these miniature chocolate tarts

Travis Rodgers and Marcellus Wiley:  Broadcasting live during dinner

Elfie receiving her long-drive contest winning prize

Low and behold Elf power was on display in the City of Industry.  Bella did in fact win the back 9 long-drive contest for the ladies category.  The Taiwanese Crusher is in da house!

A very satisfied Elfie with her prize…

I notice at the end of our meal that Byron Scott is seated at the table next to ours.  I guess I missed that bright yellow shirt.  In conclusion, this was our favorite golf tournament to date for a multitude of reasons.

“Hit em’ straight!”

THE END!!!