So I told Bella that we should do whatever she would like do (within reason) to celebrate her 40th birthday.  I’m not sure this democrat anticipated that his wife would select playing golf at the Lawrence Welk Resort (welkresorts.com) in Escondido, CA.

Ironically, my wife, also a democrat, doesn’t even know who Lawrence Welk was.  Nevertheless, off we go towards San Diego as I envision hideous images of plaid Bermuda shorts, pink polo shirts with little gray elephants embroidered on them, brown slip-on dress shoes WITH tassels and a TV equipped with Fox News Channel and ONLY Fox News Channel.

Can you “smell” the Repub?

“Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.” — Dave Barry

Welk Resort: Living room

We booked a 585 square foot one-bedroom suite in the “Villas on the Green” section.  I’m already impressed with their recreation handout which included activities (for all ages) such as wine tasting, marriage game show, farmers market, karaoke night, waffle cone making, 007 Casino Royale night etc.  And so far so good as the parking lot is not chock full of large “gas guzzling” luxury vehicles.

Our large balcony

The large balcony is accessible from the living room or bedroom.

Elfie admiring the links…

Doesn’t the facial expression say it all?  The girl is “fired up” — for golf.

Kitchen and dining area

Plenty of space and fully stocked for about every need you might have.

Is that celadon OR light moss green?

Regardless, it appears that my father and Lawrence Welk (God rest his soul) or the Welk family have/had similar tastes in paint for front doors of dwellings.  NOTE: See my blog titled “The Italian Experience in New England” if you are lost on this point.

Our first food stop was at the extremely popular Phil’s BBQ (philsbbq.net) in San Marcos, CA.  We were fortunate since the line wasn’t out the door yet and wrapping around the building.

Baby back ribs and steamed veggies

We’ve eaten at roughly twenty-five BBQ joints throughout southern and northern Calfornia and Phil’s BBQ is NUMBER ONE on our list.  The meat isn’t overcooked or over-salted, there is nice char and real smoke flavor (a rarity at California BBQ joints) and they are moist.  These ribs are perfectly cooked to the “just before they fall off the bone” stage.  The veggies are steamed (no salt, butter or seasoning), crispy and crunchy which is nice considering the lack of healthy items on our table.

A SMALL order of onion rings

These rings are extra crunchy with a very tasty batter.

Beef back ribs

We ordered both ribs “dry” but per other Yelp reviewers some sauce is put on early in the process regardless.  For whatever reason the beef ribs had more sauce than the pork ribs.  Possibly a mistake in the kitchen.  However, even this “dry rib” lover didn’t give a rip because these ribs were — OUT-stand-DING!  There is a black pepper presence for sure on the beef ribs and the tangy sauce has a slight spicy kick and definitely leans toward sweet versus vinegary.

Pulled pork sandie on slaw

In reality, my consumption at this sitting was as follows: 3 onion rings; 2 beef back ribs; 3 baby back ribs.  Elfie’s consumption was: 4 baby back ribs; 1 beef back rib; steamed veggies; one Coca-cola.  The rest was bagged up and went into our fridge at the resort with most making it back to Orange County.  NOTE: They even have a special room designated for washing up your face and grubby “paws”.

Back at the resort we walked the grounds and watched families making smores over fire pits near a pool, a children’s movie being shown outdoors poolside and people barbecuing food at various grills throughout the complex.  We finished the night by playing “Foodie Fight” trivia game in our suite.  Again, I’m happy to report that my paranoia about the resort being saturated with ruthless Repubs was far from reality.

“I bought a Venus Fly Trap today.  I was going to name it ‘Republican’, but the fly trap is beneficial to the environment.  I’ll save that name — someday I might find a plant that eats poor people and minorities.”  — Wolfdyke

One of many, many pools

Notice the moon in the background of the photo.  On second thought…maybe I got my camera too close to the fountain earlier?

View of the grounds and residences

We walked down to the Canyon Grille for a quick breakfast before our couples “deep tissue” massage at the Bello Vita Spa (bellovitaspa.com).

Canyon Grille, theatre, market, shops etc.

Canyon Grille: Dining room

We went light as I had oatmeal with fresh strawberries, brown sugar, cream and chopped almonds.  Bella had an egg over easy.  For lunch we shared the leftover delicious pulled pork slaw sandie with my half being accompanied by a cold Guinness beer.

“Fountains golf course”

Our course was the “Oaks golf course” which is an 18 hole, par 3 course with a total of 1837 yards.

Moments before she puts on her — “game face”

A fairly nice looking course

Bella “Wie” hammers with her Callaway driver…

The ball on the ground behind her was “teed up” next.  I am on the DL (disabled list) once again with an elbow/forearm injury so she “drove for two”.  I putted once she hit my ball onto the green.

Dad’s future residence if he ever moves back to Cali

It was right next to one of the holes we played.

She’s so “money”…and she doesn’t even know it

Bella feels she isn’t tall enough to attempt the Michelle Wie putting style which consists of crouching over into a nearly 90-degree putting stance.

Bella prepares to drive over the wash

Phew!  She made it!  As her caddy, I am responsible for retrieving her “miss hits”.  😦

“Woody” and his homies hanging in the trees

I believe they are Acorn Woodpeckers.

Acorn woodpecker in tree

Game over!

This was Elfie’s first round of 18 holes and her first time riding in a golf cart on a course.  In reality, even on the golf course, players looked anything but the rigid, ultra-conservative Repubs I had feared I’d have to endure.  One father and son were very casual about their game and even wore flip-flop sandals.  I’ve learned your exposure to those types of individuals is much less when you’re playing the beginner or casual nine-hole par three courses or shorter distance 18-hole courses.

So, since I’ve blatantly “teed off” on the Repubs I will share a couple of personal stories that better illustrate why I abhor the “Repub” especially on the golf course.  One incident occurred when I was eighteen years-old and mistakenly wore a tiny gemstone earring in one ear to an interview for a golf cart attendant position at a country club.  The comment I recall from the interviewer was “I’m amazed you would wear that to a country club.  We really frown upon that kind of thing.”  In hindsight it would’ve been nice if this Repub would’ve had enough perspective to acknowledge that it was a peon level job and I was pretty much “a kid” and I hadn’t yet acquired the “real-world knowledge” to know the unwritten rules of the “conservative party”.

The second incident occurred at age 30 when my friend Jared, my dad and I got up “ass early” to play golf at a course in Oxnard, CA.  The golf pro was a total yuppie “ass wipe”  who beat us down verbally like we were 12-year-olds for several minutes due to us being  five minutes late for our tee time.  After this second incident, I decided that I’d had an “ass full” of high-strung, intolerant, extremist “rule loving” Repubs and their inability to educate or discipline someone without coming off as a — “ruthless dirty dick-face”.

“Republican comes in the dictionary just after reptile and just above repugnant.”  — Julia Roberts, actress

That night we ate dinner at Ali Baba (alibaba421el.com), an Arabian/Iraqi restaurant in Escondido, CA.

Lavash-style bread

This bread is soft and stays soft for days.  Once you start dipping it in hummus it is hard to stop…

Smooth hummus

Beef shwarma plate

Bella loved it, as did I.  I “pilfered” a taste as I normally do.

Ground lamb kebob plate

Unfortunately Bella won’t eat “lamp” (as she calls it).  I always order “ground” meat kebobs as they are much more moist than ordering standard filet or sirloin kebobs.  I had a piece of baklava for dessert which had a perfect balance of phyllo dough, chopped walnuts and honey (not soaking in it).  It was sweet (no sourness), dense and was absent of cinnamon or rose water (thank you!).

Formerly a diner…I think so

This area of Escondido was chock full of classic motor inns (i.e. motels), liquor stores and restaurants.  If you like landmark businesses that have been around for many decades check out Holiday Wine Cellar and Wagon Wheel Restaurant.

Mt. Vernon Inn signage…

The pictures I took of the inn “blew doors” due to how darkly lit this neighborhood was.  On our final night at the Welk Resort we were awoken by a — cold blast of “skunk butt”.  Apparently a skunk “blew out his o-ring five ways from Sunday” and it happened to be a direct hit into our air conditioner.  I am not “carping you” (so-to-speak) when I say it was relentless, ruthless and unforgiving in any way, shape or form.

I’m not a zoologist (albeit my father has a degree in it) nor a heating and cooling professional but given that our condo in Orange County is located above a wilderness park I do have a fair amount of experience encountering “skunk ass”.  And every time I smell “skunk butt” I close our sliding door immediately and the smell dissipates pretty quickly.  At the resort our windows or sliders were never open and not a damn thing was going to save our “nose holes” on this fateful night.

Home Sweet Home Cafe: Counter

Parking in this divey industrial business hood was a total — dis-ASS-ter.  Their small lot was packed full and on a weekday it seems workers of local businesses occupied every other space known to man.   The cafe’s (homesweethomecafe.net) exterior looks new and plain but when you enter the dining room it is straight out “Old Skool Midwestern Diner”.

Attitude is a running theme here…

In reality we experienced no attitude with the staff.  They were accommodating, friendly and efficient.

Egg’s Benedict

Bella said her dish was awesome!  Yes, most breakfast food is simple eating but she said she’s had plenty of subpar “Egg’s Benedict” dishes and this was definitely not one of them.

Double breakfast burrito

They come as a pair and I chose one with breakfast sausage and one with chorizo.  I forgot to veto the breakfast potatoes which added too much bulk.  I should’ve asked for crispy hash browns instead.  One burrito was eaten at the restaurant and one went home.

Signage inside men’s restroom

Bella says I never miss an opportunity to visit the “can” when we go out.  Thankfully, I didn’t miss this one either.

“All I do is play music and golf – which one do you want me to give up?”  — Willie Nelson

THE END!!!