“Fresh air makes me throw up. I can’t handle it. I’d rather be around three Denobili cigars blowing in my face all night”. – Frank Sinatra, 1915-1998

My wife Bella and I arrive at The Palazzo resort-hotel-casino (3325 Las Vegas Blvd. South, Las Vegas, NV, 89109, 877-883-6423, palazzolasvegas.com) in Las Vegas. As we come up the parking garage escalators I get a “mongo-sized” waft of smoke courtesy of the “Topol-hounds”. Delicious — my least favorite part about Vegas.

We check-in at the front desk and then proceed to our 720 square foot suite with three HDTV’s, a 120 square foot bathroom, large L-shaped couch, dining table for three, work desk and roman tub. At $173.00 per night, tax included it would’ve been our biggest bargain of the trip had it not been for the fact that the previous occupants turned our suite into a “cancer bath”. We contemplate switching rooms but due to road travel fatigue and laziness opt for spraying sessions of apple scented air freshener by the housekeeping staff.

We take a taxi to the Palm’s (4321 West Flamingo Road, Las Vegas, NV, 89103, palms.com) for a dining experience at the N9NE Steakhouse (702-942-7777, N9NEgroup.com, Palm’s). The interior is very hip and contemporary which contradicts the L.A. steakhouses (i.e. Morton’s) I am accustomed to.

We open the meal with the “Shrooms”, stuffed with Alaskan king crab and lemon. They are devoured in a heartbeat. We choose a 40 ounce rib eye as our shared entree. If I had to do it again, I’d ask them not to cut it into slices. My preference is that my rib eye comes out whole, char-broiled and on a sizzling plate. I do eat some of the on-the-bone portion covered in barbecue sauce and it is quite good. Bella ate the meat when it was warmer and says it was excellent. And, I must confess, part of the blame lies with me as I became distracted with the best gnocchi I’ve ever consumed. This baked gnocchi had perfectly browned edges and the texture was perfectly crisp on the exterior and pillowy soft potato goodness on the inside. The truffle cream is a great complement given how it is cooked.

The garlic green beans are an excellent side that never had a chance. We close the meal with crème brule for Bella and carrot cake with walnuts and cream cheese frosting for me. Thank goodness the pastry chef “pocket-vetoed” the raisins on the cake. Both are spectacular. My rating for this restaurant (food, drink, service and ambiance) is A. The only reason they don’t rate at an A+ is because I am unable to give an “apples to apples” comparison on their steak to my other faves.

After dinner we return to The Palazzo and wait in line for our player’s cards at Club Grazie. Being the old married couple (age 38 and 35 respectively) I hit the poker slots and Bella selects various “old skool”, pull-down-lever slots. Finally we retire to our room to get caught up on ESPN SportsCenter.

In the morning we gamble at The Palazzo before heading to the Paris (3655 Las Vegas Blvd. South, Las Vegas, NV, 89109, 877-796-2096, parislasvegas.com) Le Village Buffet (702-946-7000). After forty-five minutes of waiting we’re inside the champagne brunch. The cost is similar to the Bellagio Buffet which already concerns me as I don’t anticipate this to be comparable in taste or quality. The coffee pot has luke warm (at best) java. The corn beef hash is yummy as well is the breakfast sausage. The crepes are surprisingly only okay. The lamb has good flavor but is a little dry. The winners are the mini-cannoli (a sweetened ricotta cream cheese blend), the tiramisu (needs some liquor) and the flan in caramel sauce. My rating for this restaurant (food, drink, service and ambiance) is B-. Don’t waste your time or money, stick with the Bellagio.

Back at our room we watch some NFL playoff games and nap before dinner. We walk next door to the Wynn (3131 Las Vegas Blvd. South, Las Vegas, NV, 89109, 702-770-7000, wynnhotel.com). We’re early so we pick up our Cirque du Soleil “La Reve” tickets. Our restaurant tonight is the SW Steakhouse (Wynn).

We begin with the Maryland blue crab cakes in confit tomato relish, garlic aioli and arugula. It is very well prepared, heavy on crab, light on breading and quite tasty. Bella orders the braised “kobe-style” short ribs with baby root vegetables, black truffle whipped potato and crisp garlic root. I salivate after each bite of my delicious, 20 ounce, char-broiled, bone-in rib eye with sides of béarnaise, jalapeno tropical fruit and SW Original sauces. This steak is phenomenal and almost identical to what you’ll find at Mastro’s Steakhouse (mastrosrestaurants.com) or Fleming’s Prime Steakhouse & Wine Bar (flemingssteakhouse.com).

Our side of crimini mushrooms with sautéed leeks is a great companion to our meals. We close the meal with scoops of homemade ice cream/gelato in the flavors of lemoncello, coconut and banana crunch for me and vanilla and lemoncello for Bella. My rating for this restaurant (food, drink, service and ambiance) is A+.

After dinner we gamble before proceeding to the theater nearby to see Cirque du Soleil’s aquatic show “La Reve” (French for “the dream”). I am shy on words as how I might paint a picture of this splendorous, overwhelming, aesthetically pleasing display. In a nutshell, it is an unreal visual experience that will leave your synapses mentally exhausted. There is so much continuously going on that you will have a hard time finding a dull moment.

This is my third Soleil show and Bella’s second (Zumanity and Alegria the others) and I can say without question it is our favorite. There is eroticism, athleticism, beautiful art direction, choreography, acting and acrobatics. Many of the swimmers stay under water for great lengths of time which leads me to believe they have breathing apparatus’s set-up underwater. After all, I’m guessing the troupe didn’t train with Houdini’s grandson.

Our seats are in the third row and just outside of the “splash zone”. As a result, in the last third of the show Bella and I become involved in an audience participation segment. In this bit, three out of the four comedians are hugging each other while excluding the apparent ugly duckling of their troupe. The ugly duckling climbs the railing and stands in the aisle. With open arms, he seeks out a hug from a very large male gentleman. The gent is tentative but finally relents when egged on by the crowd. A woman in her forties directly in front of us is next up and she hugs away without a fight.

Finally, the actor approaches me and I stand up, ready and willing…only to have the rug pulled out beneath me. As I step forward he quickly slides next to Bella and gives her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. The crowd roars while I yell “I was sold out”. I wonder how I forgot the classic comedy rule known as “The Rule of Three”. The comedian does what is expected for the first two bits of the segment and the punch line occurs when they break the pattern. And I consider myself an amateur comedian – shameful.

Afterwards, we walk around The Venetian (3355 Las Vegas Blvd. South, Las Vegas, NV, 89109, 877-883-6423, venetian.com) for a while before retiring. Yes, more ESPN SportsCenter while enjoying a relaxing bath in the roman bathtub. In the morning, we drop our bags in our car and gamble at The Palazzo.

Our final voyage is to “The Buffet” at Bellagio (3600 Las Vegas Blvd. South, Las Vegas, NV, 89109, 888-987-6667, Bellagio.com) for their champagne brunch. The cost is less than the Paris buffet since they give you the option of vetoing the champagne factor. Again, we wait about 45 minutes to be seated. We were here over the same dates last year and it is much more crowded this year. More than likely it is tied to the lower gasoline prices and special room rates offered by casinos due to the lackluster economy.

The winners at this meal are the lox, lamb, breakfast sausage, pesto shrimp pizza, Chilean sea bass and carrot cake. All of these were very good. I’m a little surprised that cannoli’s aren’t offered while “the Frenchie’s” at Paris are offering up a splendid one. My rating for this restaurant (food, drink, service and ambiance) is A-.

After lunch, we gas up the vehicle and head for Orange County.

“Alcohol gives you infinite patience for stupidity.” – Sammy Davis Jr., 1925-1990